OMG?

I cant believe that the last time I blogged was in MARCH! OMG. I must have been so caught up with work and all, I didnt even remember about blogging at all!

From March - now (August), so much has changed! When I read what I wrote in March, I still can imagine the pain I went thru for my post partum hair loss. Well, when i look back, usually I will find things i have done or thoughts that have crossed my mind to be silly and all, but no... I think all the worrying and panicking was real and true, and until now, I still think I wasnt silly, even though my hair is all back to normal!

I think my hair loss started to get better after my period came in April. From then on, very little hair is found in the drain after I shower already :) I am still taking vitamins, using hair sprays and good shampoos to protect my poor scalp. Though everything is back to normal, my normal is also not thick & lustrous hair. But as long as its growing, and not dropping le, I am happy.

And yea.. i was thinking why i havent been even though there was the June holidays and all. Well, I was so packed during June hols. I rem the first and last week were spent in school, and then I had lots of work to complete during June. Mommy and daddy went hokkaido for a week and I was left with Avril. It was a busy holiday. And now, Sep hols are coming...and guess what? I am GOING TO HONG KONG AGAIN! hahahahaha.. why that decision? Cos i felt that I totally DID NOT enjoy myself the previous time at all, and this time I need to redeem it!! ARGH. HongKong was supposedly to be real fun. The clothes are cheap, and daryl is generous in buying branded bags for me. And the dim sum.. omg. It was such a wasted trip with my lousy mood in feb!!!! ARGH. I told daryl I am so going to go crazy this time in HK. and I sure I will be, even he is! :)

Daryl is taking masters. Avril is growing well, 1 year old party at the bungalow chalet is coming up in 2 weeks time. I have spent quite alot of money and time in prep, hope it will turn out good! Life is great, with normal hair. And YOGA - my love.

It isn't getting any better. Sigh.. 2 days ago, there was lesser hair in the shower. Really much lesser n I thought yea.. Finally there is some improvement. But no.. 2 days later, clumps of hair dropped out during bath again. Sigh. My hopes dashed. Now I think my hair loss is just the same as 2 months ago. Still as bad. My hair is so bad that even the sides can see scalp. Omg.

I did so much for this post partum hair loss. Before it even started, I put the hair loss serum that is specially for hair loss due to pregnancy. I checked my thyroid, saw a thyroid specialist. I saw 2 hair specialists, now doing laser n spraying some minoxidil (elaborate later) , I saw psychologist as I was so depressed about it. I saw Chinese physician n taking chi med now. I changed n tried so many different shampoos. I bought wooden combs. Sigh. N my condition is still the same. I'm juz so worried cos before it started, I already had less hair, even my student asked me to go 101. :( now its cannot Jian ren alrd. I'm so worried.

Minoxidil - once stop using, will lost the regrown hair.. What's the point of using then? I still need to get pregnant again, which is when I will need to stop using minoxidil as its not recommended urif pregnancy. Laser hair rejuvenation - so costly n yet when I researched abt it ppl say it's just a scam. So what to do? I'm just at a loss.

True enOugh, I didn't enjoy my hk trip.. I sPent the entire time there getting all stressed abt my hair. It got very much worse those few days. The whole hotel room was filled with my hair.. I only needed to sweep my hair lightly n the hair just falls out. Now my scalp is very obvious, many many holes everywhere. I became so depressed in hk that taking no pay leave to hide at home or shave botak n wear a wig crossed my mind. Now I'm still losing alot of hair, but thankfully not as much as two weeks ago, or prob now cos I'm so afraid of losing too much that I don't wash my hair that thoroughly. It's still very bad la, my hair still sheds easily.

Today baby avril is exactly 6 mths old. I feel so sad that I'm so disturbed by my hair that I cannot breastfeed nor enjoy my daughter fully. Sigh.. I went back to work a week ago, initially I thOught I will not be able to cope with work cos of my hAir, but surprisingly when I'm at work my focus was shifted to work n thus lesser time to worry abt hair. My students are also a joy to me, ESP my sec 4s. They r so sweet to me. I taught something wrongly in the first lesson but they didn't blame me n kept telling me it's ok..

Let me recover from this madness hair loss please.. I cannot hide anymore if I continue to lose.. :(

This is probably the most stressful n difficult part of my life. Everything stemmed to be going well, I had slow heartbeat after childbirth, and I regained my original weight quickly as I was exercising like a crazy woman. I still remember when Eunice asked me how's my health, I told her I have never been better.

However, at the third and half month after avril was born, things started to go downhill. I suffered hair loss. And people who know me well know that I already have thin hair to begin with, pregnancy didn't cause me to have more luxuriant hair though there was less hair fall during that period. Initially I want quite bothered by the hair loss as it wasn't excessive, but it got worse over time n I shed hundreds n hundreds of hair everyday. I can sweep the floor several times a day to get rid of the mess on the floor. I went to see 2 doctors, both of whom didn't make me feel any better, and suggested for me to go for treatments. They also mentioned that according to my recent blood test results, it could also be hyperthyroid causing my hair loss as well. Now I'm starting to feel all the symptoms of my thyroid acting up. I'm leavin for hk soon for a holiday but now with a heavy heart, afraid of losing hair till I can no longer cover it up with any styles already. Stress can also cause more hair loss but I can't help but feel stressed abt the entire thing.

I just cross my fingers n pray that my hair loss due to post partum will quickly end soon. I have also decided to give up breastfeeding my precious one to concentrate on my health.

I don't wanna bald, god please help me.

Baby avril was born on 4 September 2011. She was induced, as I was already 40weeks and I couldn't wait to get her out of my tummy cause I was worrying about her well being when she was inside. The last one or two weeks before she was born, she was moving vigorously in my tummy most of the nights, I was so afraid that she would get herself entangled with the cord. Luckily, I have the world's best gynae to look after me. He loaned me a mini Doppler which I used many times a day to check on her heartbeat, especially towards the end of the pregnancy.

I was so eager to get her out of the tummy that I couldn't understand when my colleague told me, once she is out, u will feel like putting her back into the tummy. Now I understand.

Anyway, I didnt feel any pain at all throughout the whole labour, cause dr Phua arranged nicely for dr earnest to do the epidural as soon as he broke the water bag. The most painful thing during the labour was the needle poked on my left hand for the drips! Lol. So I waited from 9am till about 6pm for the dilation of the cervix to 10cm, and was ready to push. It felt like I needed to poo very badly when the contractions came. I thought it was going to come out easily as I really felt like I needed to push. But it wasn't easy at all. I had to push real hard in just one breath! And this went on for about 3 contractions then dr Phua decoded to help me with the vacuum. Baby was out the next push. I felt so relieved that I didn't have to push anymore. Hahaha.. That wasthe feeling. And tears welled up in my eyes as I heard the baby cried. Now whenever I think abt that moment I also feel like crying. I finally feel strongly for the word 'congratulations'. I didn't feel the need for others to congratulate me duorng my wedding, but this time ard, the word congratulations felt very meaningful to me. It's like my body has worked har for the past 10 months, I have suffered so much during he first 3 months, and I had worried so much throughout the pregnancy that when finally I got a baby, a normal baby, I felt 'yes..I Finally got what I have been waiting for, congratulate me!' Daryl was sp happy the first moment baby arrived, I have never seen him so happy before. I felt even more blessed than ever seeing the smile on his face. :)

One month of confinement is almost gone, I think I haven't slept for more than 3 hrs in a sleep at all. I'm so tired. And worrying continues... I'm worrying my baby isnt responding to me yet, worrying abt her when she cries. Sometimes I think I really have postnatal blues, I get upset easily n I cry often. Very tired now...

less than a month away...

im now 35 weeks. its getting more and more difficult to move around. and i feel like an elephant. even my principal says im gaining alot of weight. almost 60kg now, gained 13kg in total already. i feel so tired and unmotivated to work nowadays, just wanna slack.

i really hope i will be a good mum . :) and my daughter will be healthy, pretty and smart. lol.. so much expectations. :P

Lousy morning

I decided to take a cab down since I wasn't sure of where the school is. The cab didn't know where the sch is and didn't bother to tell me or find it n simply said he doesn't know. So I just asked him to drop me at clement mrt. It cost me 12 bucks just to get to clementi when I could have taken a bus and it would only have cost me less than a dollar. I was so overwhelmed by these two irritating things that I can't help it but cry. It was such a disguting morning. I'm so sianz. Think baby also crying inside alrd. :(