It isn't getting any better. Sigh.. 2 days ago, there was lesser hair in the shower. Really much lesser n I thought yea.. Finally there is some improvement. But no.. 2 days later, clumps of hair dropped out during bath again. Sigh. My hopes dashed. Now I think my hair loss is just the same as 2 months ago. Still as bad. My hair is so bad that even the sides can see scalp. Omg.

I did so much for this post partum hair loss. Before it even started, I put the hair loss serum that is specially for hair loss due to pregnancy. I checked my thyroid, saw a thyroid specialist. I saw 2 hair specialists, now doing laser n spraying some minoxidil (elaborate later) , I saw psychologist as I was so depressed about it. I saw Chinese physician n taking chi med now. I changed n tried so many different shampoos. I bought wooden combs. Sigh. N my condition is still the same. I'm juz so worried cos before it started, I already had less hair, even my student asked me to go 101. :( now its cannot Jian ren alrd. I'm so worried.

Minoxidil - once stop using, will lost the regrown hair.. What's the point of using then? I still need to get pregnant again, which is when I will need to stop using minoxidil as its not recommended urif pregnancy. Laser hair rejuvenation - so costly n yet when I researched abt it ppl say it's just a scam. So what to do? I'm just at a loss.

True enOugh, I didn't enjoy my hk trip.. I sPent the entire time there getting all stressed abt my hair. It got very much worse those few days. The whole hotel room was filled with my hair.. I only needed to sweep my hair lightly n the hair just falls out. Now my scalp is very obvious, many many holes everywhere. I became so depressed in hk that taking no pay leave to hide at home or shave botak n wear a wig crossed my mind. Now I'm still losing alot of hair, but thankfully not as much as two weeks ago, or prob now cos I'm so afraid of losing too much that I don't wash my hair that thoroughly. It's still very bad la, my hair still sheds easily.

Today baby avril is exactly 6 mths old. I feel so sad that I'm so disturbed by my hair that I cannot breastfeed nor enjoy my daughter fully. Sigh.. I went back to work a week ago, initially I thOught I will not be able to cope with work cos of my hAir, but surprisingly when I'm at work my focus was shifted to work n thus lesser time to worry abt hair. My students are also a joy to me, ESP my sec 4s. They r so sweet to me. I taught something wrongly in the first lesson but they didn't blame me n kept telling me it's ok..

Let me recover from this madness hair loss please.. I cannot hide anymore if I continue to lose.. :(

This is probably the most stressful n difficult part of my life. Everything stemmed to be going well, I had slow heartbeat after childbirth, and I regained my original weight quickly as I was exercising like a crazy woman. I still remember when Eunice asked me how's my health, I told her I have never been better.

However, at the third and half month after avril was born, things started to go downhill. I suffered hair loss. And people who know me well know that I already have thin hair to begin with, pregnancy didn't cause me to have more luxuriant hair though there was less hair fall during that period. Initially I want quite bothered by the hair loss as it wasn't excessive, but it got worse over time n I shed hundreds n hundreds of hair everyday. I can sweep the floor several times a day to get rid of the mess on the floor. I went to see 2 doctors, both of whom didn't make me feel any better, and suggested for me to go for treatments. They also mentioned that according to my recent blood test results, it could also be hyperthyroid causing my hair loss as well. Now I'm starting to feel all the symptoms of my thyroid acting up. I'm leavin for hk soon for a holiday but now with a heavy heart, afraid of losing hair till I can no longer cover it up with any styles already. Stress can also cause more hair loss but I can't help but feel stressed abt the entire thing.

I just cross my fingers n pray that my hair loss due to post partum will quickly end soon. I have also decided to give up breastfeeding my precious one to concentrate on my health.

I don't wanna bald, god please help me.

Baby avril was born on 4 September 2011. She was induced, as I was already 40weeks and I couldn't wait to get her out of my tummy cause I was worrying about her well being when she was inside. The last one or two weeks before she was born, she was moving vigorously in my tummy most of the nights, I was so afraid that she would get herself entangled with the cord. Luckily, I have the world's best gynae to look after me. He loaned me a mini Doppler which I used many times a day to check on her heartbeat, especially towards the end of the pregnancy.

I was so eager to get her out of the tummy that I couldn't understand when my colleague told me, once she is out, u will feel like putting her back into the tummy. Now I understand.

Anyway, I didnt feel any pain at all throughout the whole labour, cause dr Phua arranged nicely for dr earnest to do the epidural as soon as he broke the water bag. The most painful thing during the labour was the needle poked on my left hand for the drips! Lol. So I waited from 9am till about 6pm for the dilation of the cervix to 10cm, and was ready to push. It felt like I needed to poo very badly when the contractions came. I thought it was going to come out easily as I really felt like I needed to push. But it wasn't easy at all. I had to push real hard in just one breath! And this went on for about 3 contractions then dr Phua decoded to help me with the vacuum. Baby was out the next push. I felt so relieved that I didn't have to push anymore. Hahaha.. That wasthe feeling. And tears welled up in my eyes as I heard the baby cried. Now whenever I think abt that moment I also feel like crying. I finally feel strongly for the word 'congratulations'. I didn't feel the need for others to congratulate me duorng my wedding, but this time ard, the word congratulations felt very meaningful to me. It's like my body has worked har for the past 10 months, I have suffered so much during he first 3 months, and I had worried so much throughout the pregnancy that when finally I got a baby, a normal baby, I felt 'yes..I Finally got what I have been waiting for, congratulate me!' Daryl was sp happy the first moment baby arrived, I have never seen him so happy before. I felt even more blessed than ever seeing the smile on his face. :)

One month of confinement is almost gone, I think I haven't slept for more than 3 hrs in a sleep at all. I'm so tired. And worrying continues... I'm worrying my baby isnt responding to me yet, worrying abt her when she cries. Sometimes I think I really have postnatal blues, I get upset easily n I cry often. Very tired now...

less than a month away...

im now 35 weeks. its getting more and more difficult to move around. and i feel like an elephant. even my principal says im gaining alot of weight. almost 60kg now, gained 13kg in total already. i feel so tired and unmotivated to work nowadays, just wanna slack.

i really hope i will be a good mum . :) and my daughter will be healthy, pretty and smart. lol.. so much expectations. :P

Lousy morning

I decided to take a cab down since I wasn't sure of where the school is. The cab didn't know where the sch is and didn't bother to tell me or find it n simply said he doesn't know. So I just asked him to drop me at clement mrt. It cost me 12 bucks just to get to clementi when I could have taken a bus and it would only have cost me less than a dollar. I was so overwhelmed by these two irritating things that I can't help it but cry. It was such a disguting morning. I'm so sianz. Think baby also crying inside alrd. :(

14th week

I'm actually much better now.. Though I still don't have much appetite, at least I won't feel like puking my meal out after eating. Occasionally I will feel that my mouth is bland and wanna throw up but I never did anymore. And I'm no longer relying on those anti vomiting medicine already! Finally I'm leading a close to normal life :) hehehe. But still I don't feel as perfect as when I wasn't pregnant lah. But at least I can do my work with more energy. Yippee.

Work is still as busy as ever.. Just can't wait for hols to come asap. I don't mean march hols.. It is not a hol anyway.. I've got camps and meetings and mid yr papers to set... it will be a perfect march holiday if I can clear these work. Oh well.

JJ concert was fantastic. It reminded me how much I used to listen to his songs when I was studying for my a levels.. My cd player will just repeat the entire album again and again n i never got sick of the songs.. Only love them more n more. The concert was really loud though, esp when Xiao Jing teng sang Wang fei. I hope my baby isn't hurt in anyway. And I was so surprised to see ming there too!

12th week

Things arent getting any better, else I wont be blogging away here early in the morning. Everyday i feel like im dragging my feet to work, cause i know that once my day starts, the nausea will come back and i wont have the appetite to eat, what's more the mood to work. I just feel like returning to the bed everyday as early as possible, even if that can happen i will also lie on the bed with great discomfort, just waiting to fall asleep to get rid of those lousy feelings. :( I am soooo sian of my life already, i wonder when will these pesky symptoms ever go away? :( feel like crying again. sighs.

Today is wednesday, still have 2 more LONG days to go before i can enjoy my weekend sleeping throughout. what kinda lousy weekend rite?

last weekend daryl and i booked a cruise to redang on 8apr! :) cant wait to feel great and enjoy the trip.

9th Week

It is really not easy. The nausea is getting worse as the medicine itself is unable to stop my vomitting. Sometimes i wonder how am i going to survive for the next 4 weeks. At the same time, i also hope that my nausea wont last beyond week 12. I havent been eating happily and the smell of cooked food makes me wanna puke even more. :( I have lost my appetitie and I am getting outbreaks on my face and back. It is sooo bad. what to do? all for you, little fetus. I hope you will be healthy and come to the world safely in september. that's all i ask for for repayment k?

7th week

It has been 2 weeks since school started. able to cope so far, but life was a little difficult in the first week due to my condition but it became better ever since i got the anti vomitting medicine from the doctor. Still have a long long way to go. Sometimes i wonder how i will be able to survive another 20 weeks of sch?! I have no march hols as it will be used for camps and setting of exam papers. omg.. its so scary to look forward. But i hope i can make it.

my classes are great so far. hopefully they will continue to be like that! :D Still trying to remember all the names.. its so hard for me!

Daryl and I got the new furnitures from ikea, and a new bed that is coming in a few days time from serta! The brand with all the sheepies. By then I would have 2 big sheep and 1 skinless one. So cute!!

In the blink of an eye

school holidays are coming to an end! So soon.. everything happened just too quickly. I only have sat, sun and monday left before the war with time and energy starts.

So.. im quite prepared for the new year. Got resources ready up till june, hopefully i will have sufficient time to finish up the rest of my resources during June for the end of the year. Wanted to complete everything but that would take a hell lot of time and I kept telling myself that it was holiday and i should be getting more rest and recharging. these are just excuses though, excuses to lie on the bed longer when i woke up, cause i had a good break during the japan holiday trip already. but oh well, i have already spent the time I had that way and i told myself not to regret for lying on the bed longer when i did it. :P

This holiday has been a long one. I went for the austrialia pet rocket competition, but our school didnt win. I also went for the malacca trip with the student leaders, where i made a good friend/colleague - Farhana. :) And then it was the Japan - Kyushu trip, which although was a little boring but it was a fantastic getaway. I especially enjoyed the spring and sand bath. And the lovely winter. :D and shopping too! Anges B is like so much cheaper there.

So for next year, I will be teaching one extra class compared to this year. I have 2 Sec 2s General Science , 1 Sec 3 Pure phy class and the Sec 4 A and E math graduating class. omg.. its gonna be real stressful chasing after these kids. and not to mention, i have more committees too.

Good luck yvonne, u can do it! LOL. and to the rest of my friends too, happy new year 2011!

It has been so long since I last blogged.

I'm using an iPhone to do my blogging! Lol. iPhone is really fantastic. It can do wonders. :)

School hols are here! And I'm now starting to prepare next year's work! I realized that I'm quite a workaholic although I love to slack too. Sometimes slacking feels like a total waste of time to me alr. I used to also think that it is impossible to love my job, but I m a litle sure that I'm enjoying my work n I would like to continue in this line too. This is quite a big thing to say n I'm always afriad of saying it but I think I'm a little more sure about it. Partly cause of my nice colleagues, and my wonderful boss - mr lee :) and definitely bcos of my students - my 2em n 2topaZ babies n some nice peeps in 3em. Thank u for giving me such a memorable year.

Just went for a blood test for my thyroid n the result is normal. Please stay this way forever.. :)

Going to aust for international pet rocket comp this nov. Quite stressed about getting the championship n quite scared cos its the first time I'm bringing students overseas.. I hope everything will turn out fine!

I hope my wish will come true soon.

This is already week 7 of Term 3, 3 more weeks to go and then its Sep holidays. and heard that term 4 is rather slack so cant wait! :) hehee...

Took part in our school interhouse bowling competition and our team won the first place! There is this very pro player in my team, his name is Alvin, so that's why we won! and Alvin invited me to join the MOE bowling competition with 2 others from my school. HAHA!! I am soooo worried, cause im not good, i just know the basics. and sometimes when im off form, i can be really OFF! lol. But nevermind.. i will just go and try and do my best! Its fun! Love bowling. all thanks to my dear husband.

Now busy setting exam papers.. then keying in results for term 3, rushing to finish the syllabus, etcetc. ohh and i just wanna mention, i've a new neighbour sitting with me in school, her name is yi qiao! super nice girl... but i miss eunice... :(

Our 6th 19 July

Is there such a thing as I miss my wedding? I really do.. i wish i can return back to the time when I walked into the ballroom with daryl, seeing all my friend and relatives there for me. enjoying the music i chose for to play during the wedding, and not forgetting counting all the blessings of ang pows! I really miss that day.

19th july has just passed, marking my 6 years with daryl. i wasnt expecting any gifts from him, every year its the same, we would just go for a dinner together to celebrate. This year, he bought a precious moment figurine for me without having me to "niam" at him to buy me something! :) so sweet. the figurine is actually a couple reading news together, and the name for it is "Here is the good news, I am by your side" And along with it was a card. Although there were only 4 words written by him in the card (which made me laugh), the words printed on the card itself made me teared. Thank you so much dear.

I feel so much stronger now. After being in anxiety from last night till today!! I had a lesson study, and about 5 teachers were watching my lesson. The thought of them being around was so scary!! And I was so worried about it the whole night before. My mood was the lousiest in the morning and then it is over! And i really feel that i have overcomed this fear of people watching my lesson already! (hopefully.... cause i still have 2 more observations to go for next week and the week after)

And i m really quite a perfectionist.. :( feel upset when people say negative things about my lesson, but there is always room for improvement, and I should learn to look at it positively and treat these as opportunities to improve further! hehe

Shall continue marking now... wonder how can ppl with family balance their lives... im so tired.

The last time I blogged was in March.. wow, the month difference is getting bigger and bigger. So many things happened between March till now. In summary..

April - my big day
May - yanjun's big day
June - mingwai's big day
Went to Korea in June
June - grandma passed away

I just cant wait for December holidays, when the June one has just passed only. omg...
In Dec, I must really enjoy myself!! I would have gone through soooo much in school by then. Lesson observations, lesson study, setting of papers, etc etc etc. Cant wait to rest.

Cant believe the last time i blogged was in Jan.. It is now the March hols, one term of school has passed. Time flies very quickly when you are loaded with never ending amount of things to do! And this March hols hasnt been much of a break either. Everyday there are things to do - camp, course, setting of papers and preparing for lessons when school reopens!

And it is 3 weeks to my wedding banquet! Finally. Cant wait for it to come... been preparing for it, thinking about it till I just want it to faster come and be over. It's exciting as it is going to be once in a lifetime :) hee.

Took out my wisdom tooth.. it was really quite an operation. I couldnt get to bed the whole night after the operation cause there was so much blood and it didnt seem to stop. After it stopped, it came back again as I was dozing off! it was really quite a nightmare and my face was swollen.. :(

And I have done something really bad. Hais.. all because of my blurness, I forgot about my best friend's wedding. I really hate myself for being so blur. I think my mind was preoccupied with school stuff that when my family asked if I could go on a holiday with them in June, I immediately said yes to the much needed holidays without thinking too much. My best friend's wedding is during the time that I will be in Korea for holiday... sighs. im a total failure!

busy life!!!

A month of 2010 has passed. So quickly! Time really flies when it comes to work. I m now slowly getting used to stepping into class and doing all the scolding n nagging. And I have also come to realise that I really do HATE marking. Before I was a teacher, I always thought marking is the most fun part in a teacher's job. And now it is the most sickening part. Marking copied homework, untidy work to the point that you have to squint and search for corrections, little minus signs that are missing, is REALLY REALLY frustrating. Marking test papers is even worse, because the truth of whether the students have been doing and understanding their hw properly comes to light. The disgusting and scary truth.

Overall, I cant say that I like my job. I dislike the nature of the job, I have tons and endless of things to do everytime. And as teacher, we have to be involved and active in many different comittees etc. And unmotivated students are really a challenge that I have not been able to deal with properly yet.  :( But I cant say that I hate my job too.. there are students that I really enjoy teaching and seeing in class. Those who are willing to learn, responsive and look happy to be in my class.. my sec 2 Topaz, i love them so much.

SIGH. It is really tiring to work! HAHA... i wish i can just slack throughout my life!! Wahaha. But then again, life will be quite meaningless, and I will have NO MONEY! :P

My wedding is drawing near. Weekends are just too short, need to buy new year clothes, prepare for wedding, do some work related stuff such as preparing for lessons ETC. TIRED!!!

It has been 4 days of work! Wah. I am so overwhelmed by the many many events happening in school. The ongoing ones, upcoming ones, etc!! There are just so many events happening in school. omg. for the first 3 days, we had department meetings, sec 1 camp which i wasnt involved, and stuff. and i was quite stressed at the amount of work teachers have to do. Set test, exams, organise events, cca, attend courses, work appraisals, notice boards, enrichments, remedials etc.. the list is non exhaustive. After wednesday's meeting, I was so "filled to the brim" that tears just kept flowing while i was waiting for daryl to pick me up from his busy day at work too. lol. I dunno why i so stressed for what!!

Classroom management is still ok for me! i think partly cause i m taking all the express classes. But i guess i pissed my math class students when i decided to use part of cme's time for math.. and i forced them to buy the cme file which i dont know if i will ever ask them to use.. they kept groaning and moaning about buying n not using them at all in class and complained that i did math during cme.. haha... it was only the first lesson ma, and there was nothing much i could do also.. :P

Brand new 2010

Cant believe it. My dec holidays has come to an end. Tomr I will be officially stepping into school as a permanent teacher! Of course it will be an exciting day, but I am worried and anxious more than excited.

I don't aspire to do very well in my career given my introverted personality and I dont want to really aim high. But I want to see myself progress well in the school. I want the students to enjoy my lessons and want to be a better teacher each day. I want to have really good classroom management skills too. Well.. just have to see how it goes! Good luck to all my nie batch teachers!